did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
