I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
