so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
