she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I have fence marks all over my body
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You ate ashes out of my bong
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Text me some of your sweat
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
