last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
