Will you blow on my dice?
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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