i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
