Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
