1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
