My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
