i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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