Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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