but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
