Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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