Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
