You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
