I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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