I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
