Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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