please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
