i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
