The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
there is puke in my bra ... again
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
