the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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