im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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