Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
