They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
