Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
only if we run a train.
done.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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