Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
