My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
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