Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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