Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
