She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
