My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
