I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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