I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I haven't been this sober since birth.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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