My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
