She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
