we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
We have so much sex to catch up on
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
