You really coming over, don't trick.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
