She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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