May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
