He asked to "fluff my boner.."
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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