I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
