At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
