can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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