Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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