How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
