the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
