did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
