I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
