Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
